No.154 Oct.'72

33230

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NUMBER 154 SEPTEMBER 1972 VITAL FEATURES

“Living on a budget is the same as living beyond your means, except that now you have a record of it!”—Alfred E. Neuman

WILLIAM M. GAINES publisher ALBERT B. FELDSTEIN editor

JOHN PUTNAM art director LEONARD BRENNER production JERRY De FUCCIO, NICK MEGLIN associate editors JACK ALBERT lawsuits

GLORIA ORLANDO, CELIA MORELLI, JOAN ZECCA, CURTIS ANDERSON, DAVID FRAZIER subscriptions CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS AND WRITERS the usual gang of idiots

DEPARTMENTS

BERG’S-EYE VIEW DEPARTMENT The Lighter Side Of Hang-Ups CAR SICK DEPARTMENT The MAD Car Owners Hate Book WHEN YOU DON MARTIN DEPARTMENT WATCH TV, One Day At The Bullfights wa YOU'RE SURE One Day During A Cavalry Attack . OF SEEING... One Night In A Bar Along The Highway .. JOKE AND DAGGER DEPARTMENT Spy vs. Spy KNOWING YOUR LEFT FROM YOUR RIGHT DEPARTMENT The MAD Guide To Political Types LETTERS DEPARTMENT Random Samplings Of Reader Mail MARGINAL THINKING DEPARTMENT “Drawn-Out Dramas” by Aragones ODD BALL IN THE BACK POCKET DEPARTMENT Howard Hughes’ Wallet OUR GOOSE IS COOKED DEPARTMENT MAD's Ecology Mother Goose .... PICK-UP SCHTICKS DEPARTMENT When You Watch TV, You Can Be Sure Of Seeing... THE MAD SHORT IN THE SADDLE DEPARTMENT GUIDE TO “The Cowkids” (A MAD Movie Satire) . . POLITICAL SHOW BIZ-ZY SIGNALS DEPARTMENT The Television Yellow Pages ..

THE HEIST OF IDIOCY DEPARTMENT “The Cute Rook” (Another MAD Movie Satire) .

**Various Places Around The Magazine

10 weeks for change

tions, Inc. The Publisher ond Editors will not be responsible for unsolicitec

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used in all MAD fiction and semi-fiction are fictitious. A similarity without satiric purpose fo. a livi person is coincidence. Printed in U.S.A.

MAD’S ECOLOGY MOTHER GOOSE Pg. 14

THE MAD CAR OWNERS HATE BOOK

THE CUTE ROOK (Another Movie Satire)

ARE YOU DRIVEN BY SHELF-ISH MOTIVES?

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LETTERS DEPT.

WHAT'S THE CONNECTION?

I laughed so uncontrollably at “What's The Connection?”, I shook all over. Now, YOU try to laugh that hard and pick your feet in Poughkeepsie at the same time!

Candi LaVigne Boca Raton, Fla,

As far as I'm concerned, Mort Drucker and Dick De Bartolo can go pick their feet in Poughkeepsie and not bother com- ing back! Fantastic movie, sorry satire! John Deer Tampa, Fla.

You have done an excellent satire on “The French Connection”, considering the fact you had no material to work with. NOW I understand the movie.

Nancy Paulk Sedalia, Colo.

MAD LOOK AT BICYCLING Sergio Aragones’s “MAD Look At Bi- cycling” is packed with brisk and boister- ous free-wheeling humor, as in-person as grasping a pair of handlebars and stand- ing on the pedals on the upgrade. Very

exhilarating! I'll mind his bike for him, any time! Judy Hetling Yonkers, N.Y. QUALIFIED FOR MADNESS

After reading your magazine for two years, I am now incapable of watching a TV show, reading a book, or seeing a movie without cynically tearing it to shreds. Since this renders me useless for any kind of a normal life, my only alter- native is to sign up as a MAD satire weiter. Got any openings.

Mary Kay Hoover Cleveland, Ohio

MAD PHOTOONS

We at the Gaffrick household loved your “MAD Photons,” masterminded by ‘Max Brande! and Bob Clarke, And speak- ing about the equally enjoyable “What's The Connection?” after seeing the movie we wondered ... What IS the connection? Peter Gaffrick Decatur, Ill.

Eddie Egan Connects With MAD

I almost split a gut when MAD Asso- ciate Editor Nick Meglin brought me the issue featuring the take-off on “The French Connection”. Since I'm the for- mer New York detective, the original “Poy upon whom the film is based, and inasmuch as I appeared in the picture and provided technical advice, it's all very

personal and gratifying. Many thanks to writer Dick De Bartolo, artist Mort Drucker, and to your entire MAD staff for faithfully retaining the basics and adding the "French dressing.”

Eddie Egan New York, N.Y.

DON MARTIN BOOSTER

Don Martin has an original and differ- ent sense of humor that a reader can never tire of. His drawings are not ordinary car- toons but are departures from the conven- tional way of telling a story, in both draw- ing and writing. And those descriptive words: FWISK, GALOOK, GLURK, etc., they are a laugh riot in themselves. I have often stopped to wonder how an artist can continually and consistently create stories that get better and better as time goes by.

George J. Aljian Red Bank, NJ.

EDUCATOR OF THE YEAR Asa parent ofa former student in one of

New York's artsy-craftsy “fun factories,” I want to congratulate you on "MAD's Educator Of The Year.” The article was very funay but disturbingly true. In my son's fourth grade class, half the children needed tutoring, at the parents’ expense, to learn to read. They were all quite ad- vanced at playing with blocks, however, I must admit. The headmaster writes arti- cles and books on the advantages of open schools but sends his own children to a school with a structured program. The ‘open school looks great on paper bur, un- fortunately, in practice, most kids prefer playing to learning,

Rita Beltzer

Brooklyn, N.Y.

CRIMINAL TYPES DEPT.

Your anti-hunting sentiment has al- ways been rather obvious but in t 1972 issue, “Criminal Types Dep s also erroneous. Extinction of wildlife is not due to hunting but to habitat reduc- tion, pesticides, pollution, etc. On the con- trary, hunting groups such as “Ducks Un- limited” work hard to preserve habitat for game species.

E.L. Bintz

Eastern Montana College

Billings, Mont.

ART OF WRITING HOME FOR MONEY

Your article “The Art Of Writing Home For Money” was mighty good. I might even use one of those seemingly foolproof letters on my parents.

Richard §. Feldman Los Angeles, Calif,

MAD RAINBOW COVER

My whole family went to a lovely pic- nic area recently. We just happened to take along the current issue of MAD, the cover of which depicted Alfie encounter- ing garbage at the end of the rainbow. Of course, we all picked up our soda cans and sandwich wrappings and containers before we left, but one area was terribly littered by inconsiderate picnickers. And suddenly, we noticed a big black cloud in the sky, right over that desecrated area, Wow, MAD certainly has some mighty powerful connections! !!

James Randleman

Fair Oaks, Calif.

Please Address All Correspondence To: MAD, Dept. 154, MADison Avenue New York, New York 10022

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SHORT IN THE SADDLE DEPT.

Okay, all of you young people out there! Had enough of the sexy new-wave movies that are rated “R” and “X” and “Ecch”? Let’s take a look at a “nice” movie... one that’s rated “GP”... which means there’s hardly any sex, just blood and gore and violence and murder and—ulp—

S A sD A dn Aok 27 tae pe, Sh, ar MND SNeotoy SJ] We came to |_] There's been a But if we don’t hit it, we'll A And if you Gee, we were tell you that |“) big gold strike come back . . . since you're so |“ If you don’t work for me NOW, |§*| ever show up (reall lucky! F we can't drive up at San Gelto, nice to work for, giving us you don't work for me EVE! around here We caught { your cattle to an’ we'd like to half a day off on Christmas, |=") So... get off my horses! Get again, I'll him in one of y. Bells Palsy, ‘try our luck at and a 15-minute longer lunch |) off my property! Get off my blow your his BETTER & Mr. Brandason! strikin’ it rich! hour on Thanksgiving Day . . . payroll! And get off my back! heads off! (“| MOODS!!

=

But I didn’t come here =} It will mean It will mean to teach Arithmetic! hard work . . tired muscles \ came here to find =} long hours and aching out how many of you little or no backsides and boys want to goona £4 sleep... and [=}_ no time for cattle drive with me? no comforts! |-|homework and—

eh Ks Fee)

ARTIS’ JACK DAVIS: WRITER: DICK DE BARTOLO Nahh! | don’t : many ! , can | hire some want to have isitors! imes does four Machin actin hands to help to wait untit ‘in, go into ten? | think that’s fork outside [S| meget there? [1 three o'clock | /| We were just

1 FF cattle to [| town, and it’s Sa every afternoon ciate enough! So

: = practicing A4Uh.... two, and what if there's Bells 1800 miles. —" How about the 29) tocontinue the | / Z left ov , Palsy? EE] boys in school? cattle drive! Zone left over! three left over!

| Z =

So you feel you’re Sure | am! I'm . That was pretty good! men enough to make scared crazy! = You got a good head a cattle drive, eh? But I'll do i) ® on your shoulders! Okay... YOU! You ic ANYTHING to \ A horse for a think you can stay get away from it was the other end jg count of ten on that green horse 29MM my family fora 3 o Iwas worried about! [My is hired! for 10 seconds? ff} 5! fi whole Summer!

Okay! Anyone else who can ‘stay on this

N \ Xi Ni NN

A \ /

Count of ten?!? AY N i } O-K.! You all made a fine showing! |/) Yeah!

'm only in the hi AN ae \} You may have been BOYS when you |/\Crippled

First Grade! | i \ |) applied for this job, but when it's OLD YY my heart in | \| Over, you're all going to be MEN! MEN!

my mouth! }\| my pants!

How about My job is to add ' haven't got a Okay, let's Wow! Where'd letting me a little spice to name! I'ma...a see what you learn try it? this sickeningly mistake of nature! H// you can dol "i ! to handle sweet picture! I'm A.” with this a horse Whatacs the token Mexican!

Then you're Z like that? you doing also our

here? if r token Bastard! aa

a Now you all What time I'm going It's also red! And since go home and is that, Mr. to be gone going to I'm going to treat luscious get a good Brandason? for a long be a very you like men, you'll | |tollipops| | night's sleep time, dear! dangerous be paid like men! At plus a because | want One ]\\ Do you want tripht the end of the drive, big to start out minute me to bring may.not each of you can have KY red FIRST THING after you back make itt either $50 in cash . . . |} balloon! [7 in the morning! |_| yignight! anything? a |

SSIS This is not Well... you These. are road dust, Sir! ALREADY \Y okay, you're the men,

This is the have a token) hired! | want eh? You're only color | am Mexican! | to get an making an available in! figured this early start! early start was the next) | These are the all right!

best thing! men you'll be About TEN

off and we'll |_| You—You mean cooking for! \\ YEARS early!

talk about it!

There's no ; ; en bel place for "he You're gonna regret fi Set, him be!

this, Mr. Brandason! | : you on this | | You'll never get be ie cattle drive! | that herd of pussy then it’s So call your 2 cats to market! fumeey, cats jorse and get wea teh off my ranch! we re eng to market!

There's nothing gy Fanny! Why infill 1AM home! You and your Mr. Brandason, you fig Who have you like seeing a big ff the world are [ff] “men have driven the really don't expect worked for? 1] herd on the move, |) you following cattle around the house to complete this ‘i is there? the herd? You 14 times so far! Tell cattle drive with Allthe big should have those kids they're riding those kids, do you? ranches like stayed home! | | “round-up” horses... NOT How about hiring Hil «ag pr, S&H”,

some REAL cattle [IMM ranch! It's [| I hands... ike US? MM ty eee | | railroad! |

V'm sorry! | DID lie, Mr. Well, I'm not going to d You really Brandason! Because hire you either! | don’t § think that

Fanny! What are YOU doing

! 1 4 better make that here! | told you to stay home! nobody will hire us mind the kidnapping and | you'll make [2 4A when they find out robbing and murdering Bells Palsy &

about 25 days, |: 4| with the progress |; YOU'RE making! | AM home!

we're ex-cons who did | | and passing a red light! with this

time for kidnapping, | | It's just that | can’t stand

robbery, murder and people who get caught! green kids? |)5 days! passing a red light! Now... get out of here!!

Oysters on the half fag™ Yecch! Who wants shell, onion soup, that garbage?!? Coq au Vin, string

Why do you ‘Sure we have! Okay, How do you know boys stare But you're boys! Burning [Mf it’s eight o'clock at me all the first man JJ Mount up! daylight?! 9 at night! It might beans almondine, day long? we ever saw— Let’s get We just be eight o'clock potatoes souffle, Haven't you Black OR goin’ ate dinner! [in the morning! avocado salad and ever seen a White—that We're It’s eight a Burgundy wine! Black man [i spoke perfect ff burning o'clock before? English! daylight! [at night!

&

Because it’s pitch black out!!

What's the M-M-Mister [fll Hey, you! matter?!? i way, has i Bran-Bran- JM | thought} | You did! But what Stuttering | [it seemed You never anybody Brandason! Boob was trying to tell you was| | funnier heard of seen my i ! He-He-He- | that this idiot fell off his horse | | the way a cloudy wife f-f-f-fell j into the rapids and he can’t Boob was day before? i recently? in the swim and he was drowning telling and that you should help him!

Somehow

As for YOU, I never want to hear you

stutter again!

No, Sir! Not Hmm! | almost forget for a day and we hada token one [im a half, now!

Holy #$%¢&! | can’t believe of THEM, too! my #$%& ears! Wait till my ae lame 2 | #$%& Mother and #$%& Father hear me... not to mention my #$%& Sunday School Teacher!

z Holy cow!

Say, you haven't We REALLY

seen my wife walking must be moving!

How did you like your Dinner, boy?

He doesn’t stutter any more, but now | sure would like to do something

about his language!

Sure, boys! | guess you're tired! |f | must try to remember that you're just kids and don’t have the kind of strength and stamina that a man like me, Z-Z-LLZ-22222-22222

Yeah! It's great tasting Soda Pop again after being served Vintage Wine with every

Best &%$# @! filet mignon | ever had!

RUT Madam, | have the

money, | have the desire, and | have

Come into the wagon and I'll teach you something fantastic!

Well, | convinced him that Fi it'd be better that way! A

No, thank you, Ma'am! See, that’s why | came along on this cattle drive...to get away from my Teacher!

young man’s first experience should be with a girl in the

back seat of a buggy! He had a buck for the gi

didn’t have an extra 50¢ for 2

the buggy! How about you

the time! However, | am afraid that | might—er—pick up something!

sleep till

Sunday! You ‘said we could

‘three A.M.!! j) You want to

fl stay in bed

| thought Itold you bums to Mi stay away from me!

into our own hands, revenge his death, get back the cattle, and then, maybe, go kite flying!

Boys, I'm afraid | cannot allow you to take revenge! There are SEVENTEEN of them, and only ELEVEN of you! You'll never succeed!

Then we'll tie you up... and leave you here to rot!

We're taking over the herd!

Not while | got two good arms, you're not!

Like | said, there are only seventeen of them, and twelve of US! So if we work together, we can do it! Now... here's my plan... pst... pst... pst

Not while | got two good legs, you're no

Boys, | hope you're watching this! Does it teach you some- (thing about ex-cons?

No, but it certainly teaches us something about pig-headed stubborn ranch

Be honest! Did you undertand Bullslinger’s plan?

Uh-uh! None of us did! Nobody here understands perfect English!

Well, | got the gist of

it! He wants us to fight

the way MEN fight, not the way boys fight!

}{Somebody] | Yecch! This “Final No... All'ee \Comeuppance” scene because it’s is disgusting! so short!

We're not

Have That’s just what we're planning pity, on doing! Except that we've been boys! | |having an argument! He says the

My leg’s nearest Doctor is five miles

broken! THAT way, and I say the nearest

Doctor is five miles THIS way!

Get me 1 oil, what have vou decided to doa + well, what have you decided to doy

WANA ee Ay AY ee BW

i PTI Hear that, Mr. Brandason . . . wherever you are? We can be mighty proud of our boys! They finished the cattle drive! And between us, they sure learned a lot during it!

AT

There it is, gang! Bells Palsy! Let's drive the cattle in, get our

money, shoot up the town, make out ==> =

with the women, beat up on some old You've got great futures

boys! | want to remember

you! Tell me your names

folks and then fall down dead drunk!

‘Johnny Ringo! 1A,

ODD BALL IN THE BACK POCKET DEPT.

2 ne c 99 Hey, wealthy eccentric fans! Here’s a fictionalized “MAD ae at alae we'd probably find if we were to examine the contents of...

HOWARD HUGHES’ WALLET

AY THINGS TO DO TOD

0-G: 0OAM— 2 pp 0:00 dat Jo:00- 10:30 Am— 10:30- US AM WAS 12:00 AM— 72,00- 1:00 Fa)—

a Sot len ads

rv!

while: 20 Willy upsell) 00 Fan exerts, (Daa 2 oo toe ta Gia Cin ey

G:00- 7:00 FM

Se

hotel.

-p0- %:00 FU— a 9:00 CM 9:00 /0:00 Fu—

Take off pajama

we THE HUGHES ORGANIZATION Los Angeles TheBahamas Nicaragua Other Places

Mr. Fred De Cordova, Producer "THE TONIGHT SHOW" NBC

30, Rockefeller Plaza New York City

Dear Mr. De Cordova:

i42t in receipt of your letter urging me to consider making my first TV appearance on your "Tonight Show" along with other guest stars Steve

Rossi, Giselle McKenzie, Zsa Zsa Gabor and comic Rodney Dangerfield.

Contrary to rumors, I! But before I agree to appe: tain conditions would have to be met:

. The entire studio must be sterilized.

- No one is to approach me from the left.

+ No one will utter the words, "Walla Walla",

- No one within an 8-mile radius may sneeze.

. I will answer no question that contains a vowel.

- Everyone named "Norny" from the studio However, I have been out of touch for a while and have never heard of this "Johnny Carson." af: X BO agree to appear on TV, I would preter coming on an established hit show, and therefore I will be contacting Milton Berle and "The Texaco Star Theatre" first.

Sorry, but thank you for your interest.

m NOT odd or eccentric. ar on television, cer-

is to be ejected audience.

Very truly yours ,

t4R. F742

H.R. Hughe'

WRITER: ARNIE KOGEN

U.S. GOVERNMENT EMERGENCY COMMUNICATION RUSH!

ington, D.C. 7 M: Bureau of Missing Persons, Washington, FROM: Bw : Mr. H.R, Hughes bee TO for your recent inquiry eas ae ats eee e our best, but in ae eae We have geen "tell you where 5 eles Saas ust be a very painfu. ae ee ee ue put look at our aa 4 : going thvownere to send this letter! even know a ag J.D. Selling Assistant Manager*

cannot gular Manager, Mr. Lionel Tremel, e ane? ee lopete at this time.

x mo From EL.

ino Properties, Casino Proper

Me

Luxury Hot! Freeport, Gentlemen: s Considering the ed es ars a 16 Vinderstand asa ticity pefore oie to ee 4 a enclosing sane it and compare I trust this tine fs that I am eccentr

Corp- a se, Islands,

ing for irculating

aaa not even @

sire to confirm ny

de. the deah MA)BRE? aay

You can ex ° nts of

authen-

umors. iso put a stop to the 1 1 a.

and crazy. very truly

Hf ft

H.R. Hughes

yours,

si The National Playing Card Association |

ve Poughkeepsie, New York he

Dear Mr. Hughes:

on you for your recent inquiry,

le conduct many major card Playing

ournaments, including Bri Canasta, Gin Rumm q even tie

National "Go-rishy nae -Fish!" Challenge Mat, held every Spring in Asbury Park. ?

oO. TELEPHONE NO

occuPATION D A ional 71tes NOT GENCY, NO IN CASE OF EMER fasten

FY:

HUGHES ORGANIZATION

Biss . Inter-Oftice Memo aes GHES ee Number One, Address Unknown T HU TION oO: George, Los Angeles Office ORGANIZA 3 George, public Relation I am planning on coming out of hiding soon, Office Of eile GALy and I will need a Pair New Yo

vaees our plans t heard of y 4 e veursele" to the public and are like. ei ee net think youl shoul AE Me open preparation an out D)

: hanged i z r] OE Howard, you must retire ee "You are ee | viTO s SH Te

al finally "reve Bee them exactly

o this with-

i rou disappea: i epioueh with the public

Please reconsider.

Memo From H. R. Hughes

Tom,

I appreciate your concern, but there is nothing to worry about.

I can communicate with th

'@ public because I can still speak their bop lin

go. And I've got a zoot

eet pleat and a drape shape that'll Just wow the bejeebers off'a them.

3 As soon as I hit Gotham, I'

Spoke to Vito. Your i @ Week from Thursday °°° i ES

QURGOOSE!S COOKED DEPT. 5

_ Hey, diddle, diddle, _ The cat and the fiddle aT Are heading for death and eaten; Let's hope that they read All the rhymes that succeed This ridiculous Mad introduction .. to

Solomon cui

Solomon Grundy, breathed on Monday,

Wheezed on Tuesday, sneezed on Wednesday, Coughed on Thursday, gasped on Friday, Gagged on Saturday, heaved on Sunday, And that was a good week for Solomon Grundy.

Five Great Lakes s

Five great lakes; Five great lakes; See what we've done!

See what we've done!

The fish are all dead ‘cause pollution’s rife;

You can cut through the scum with a carving knife; Did you ever see such a blight in your life

As five great lakes? 14

S ECOLO

If All Of The Gum

Tf all of the gum that people chewed Was stuck beneath a chair—

If all of the trash that people burned Was blown into the air—

If all of the slums that slumlords owned Were left to rot away—

Then you would know for sure, my lad, You're in the U.S.A,

Hickety, Pickety

Hickety, pickety, my black hen,

She lays eggs for gentlemen;

Of course, it's very good indeed

They don't know what goes in her feed.

GY MOTHER GOO

VERSE: FRANK JACOBS = IDEA: M.S. PINKHAM

ARTIST: PAUL COKER, JR.

Sing a song of spillage— A tanker’s fouled the shore;

Four-and-twenty black birds—

They were white before.

Wee Willie Winkie

Wee Willie Winkie Guns up and down On his souped-up Harley, cy Waking up the town;

If you think that Willie

Makes a racket, Mister,

Wait till Willie's brother

Turns on his transistor.

sfeiZl

Little Miss Muffet _

Little Miss Muffet Collapsed on her tuffet From swordfish and died in a minute; Along came a spider Who knelt down beside her And said, “T'was the mercury in it.”

Little Jack Horner

Little Jack Horner

Got sick in his corner S From salmon and thereupon fainted;

The spider inspected

The brand Jack selected

And said, “Seems like everything's tainted.”

Four Little Tigers

Four little tigers Sitting in a tree; One became a lady's coat— Now there's only three.

Three little tigers ‘Neath a sky of blue; One became a rich man's rug— Now there's only two.

Two little tigers

Sleeping in the sun;

One a hunter's trophy made— Now there's only one.

One little tiger

Waiting to be had;

Oops! He got the hunter first— Aren't you kind of glad?

Little Bo-Peep Has lost her sheep And thinks they may be roaming; They haven't fled; They've all dropped dead From nerve gas in Wyoming.

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star

Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder what you are? Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky.

Well, I'll tell you, little star,

I can't tell you what you are; With the smoke and haze and pall I'm not sure you're there at all.

+». I know a thrifty woman Who every Monday goes Down to the local river To wash her dirty clothes.

She never buys detergents To clean her filthy duds Because she knows the river Is filled with gobs of suds.

She really must be thrifty In order to ignore

The fact the suds she’s using Were used by folks before.

Murray Had A Smelting Plant ,

Murray had a smelting plant, Which made the people frown;

For every time he poured out wastes He turned the river brown.

8 The people came to Murray’s plant To show their opposition;

But Murray laughed right in their face And tore up their petition.

The people took the case to court And Murray heard the judge Declare the plant must never more

Pour outits icky sludge.

The judge invoked an ancient law From eighteen fifty-nine,

Which meant that Murray had to pay A fifteen-dollar fine.

Should Murray not obey the law, It's good to know that when

He's hauled back in he'll have to pay That fifteen bucks again.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall; Humpty Dumpty smoked a Pall Mall; All of the doctors told Humpty that he Must quit or he'd never live past 33.

Humpty Dumpty said, “I shall quit";

Humpty Dumpty smoked not a bit;

Humpty from smog is beginning to choke;

What the hell, Humpty! You might as well smoke!

The Whole Wide World Is Terrible

The whole wide world is terrible; The litter is unbearable;

The bottles aren't returnable; The empty cans aren't burnable; The sonic boom’s incredible;

The tuna isn't edible;

The off-shore rigs are leakable; The billboards are unspeakable; The slumlords are incurable;

The smog is unendurable;

The phosphates aren't dissolvable; a | The problems don’t seem solvable; xi The mess is unforgivable; o

Let's face it—life's unlivable.

PICK-UP SCHTICKS DEPT.

When Watching - You Can Be

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ARTIST: ANGELO TORRES

. a tiresome reference to Bing Crosby on every Bob Hope show!

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